How motherhood has made me invincible to office dickheads

I’d totally forgotten what an utter dick one of my colleagues was until I saw him again today.

I can honestly say I hadn’t thought about him once during my maternity leave and then I encountered him and I felt genuine homesickness for the quiet days I’ve been spending bumbling around SW18 with my baby girl.

Read Char’s previous post here 

As he hovered behind my computer, making inane, mildly sexist observations, I wanted to grab my bag and make a run for it. And then, as he droned on and I recoiled further in to my own thoughts, I realised that I’m now invincible as far as people like him go. I just don’t care.

For some reason, before I had a child this guy used to intimidate me. He’s much more senior to me and therefore I should surely respect and be inspired by what he’s achieved but I never have. I’ve always been plain scared of him.

This is ludicrous, you should see him. We work for a fashion magazine yet he looks like he buys his clothes at country fairs. You know, those trade stands where you can buy 3 men’s shirts for the price of two and get a free night cap thrown in.

I know, it doesn’t matter what one looks like, and you’re probably thinking that I’m the one whose the dick, but I’m just trying to give you a feel for him.

He’s short and getting portly… it’s amazing what can also happen to a man’s physique in eight months, ha!… Again, not that size means anything, well at least it doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

The thing is he is oddly powerful, he has friends on high within the company (dickheads, too, but minions like me never rub shoulders with them thank God). He’s basically a little shit but everyone sucks up to him, tries to be on his right side. Even my mates. Even me.

But today, as he languished at my desk, breathing his rancid coffee/ fag/ last night’s booze breath over my head, joking about my “pram tan” (it’s bronzer you asshole) and the fact I’d probably be buzzing off on maternity leave again in five minutes – (touché but still, fuck off) – I decided that he will never stand in my way again.

I owe it to my daughter… no, I owe it to myself, not to sell out to the likes of him.

I still have fuck all work to do so I can’t actually start to show him the new, steely me yet but he’s got it coming.

Ladies, watch this space.

Read Char’s previous post here

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